On the way there, with God's grace, I passed the one long desert road with signs on it that says, "BE VERY CAREFUL due to dust storms"... After New Mexico and when I arrived in Arizona (which was such a glorious time for me...) I veered south through the desert mountains, which I enjoyed so much, to a little town of miners. There I ran into some one I knew, but never met. I had been looking for him all along, with quite some anxiety, could only pray, and knew that it would only be by God's will that I would meet him. And thankfully I did. It was my biological father -so my mother says. I feel it was too. But, sadly, he denies it, nor is interested.
He is a little bit taller than me, long worn straw hair in a ponytail, with an Indiana Jone's hat. Camo pants, and a black sweatshirt.
That morning I was so nervous. I was staying in the historic and haunted Copper Queen Hotel in a quaint little room that I enjoyed. I had gotten up early that morning and took about my 5th walk around the center town. Up and down the stairs and hills, past the massage parlors, antique stores, and art galleries, all along, eying the 3rd smallest store in the country with a bee painted sign. It was so cute inside: yellow walls, green floor and a pruple ceiling. The funny thing is that I had that color scheme in my head for about a month before that -trying to decide how to paint my "new apt in az..." (which never came about).
so after sitting at the coffee shop for about an hour journaling, eating a scone, and sipping some latte, I decided to go back to the room for a bit to pack and check out. I knew that after that is when I was to go check again for him (by the way, he had no idea that I am aware of that I was coming... I am not ruling out that some bird could of told him!)
What joy it was that after I turned in my key, put on my bag/purse, and followed the spirit, that i ran perpendicularly into him! The Lord had been telling me to go into this alley/pass way.
I had ignored earlier that morning, but obeyed this time. As soon as I reached the end of the pass way to turn right onto the sidewalk of the broadwalk, he was directly across from me walking on the sidewalk across the street. Wow! I glanced, looked, and began to walk a little faster while thinking much faster about what I should do. I just immediatley crossed the street, and was a few steps behind him. I sped up a bit, and stopped him by saying, "Excuse me, What is your name?"
He turned and said, "Reed."
"Oh, okay," I said. "I'm Audrey, from Dallas."
With a mini hop back and second glance, he took off his shades and squinted at me out of unbelief, I guess.
I had called him for the first time a few years before, when I was 18. My mother had found his number on the internet. She had always been honest with me since I was about age 5 about what happened. She always encouraged me to find him, "because you are just like him," she would always say.
She knew him for about two years (from the story I heard...) They traveled together all over the country and Mexico. I was to be conceived in California, born in Arizona, in the front lawn of a house. The closest relative around was my mothers Aunt, Mary Jo, who owns some apartments, and is still living in the same location as she did then. My mother and I have recently been out there more often in order to care for the next stages of Life.
I guess he recalled the previous conversation and multiple email exchanges abut three years before. I introduced myself and where I was at in life (just graduated, etc.) and he was attentive, intimidated, shocked, surprised, caught off guard, speechless -a bit so I assumed. He was nice, and he ended up relaxing, leaning up against the wall, dead in his tracks, and had a conversation with me about Life.
"I've learned that the best things happen when you give up," he said. I mumbled as he waved to one of his friends passing by, "Yeah, I have learned how to do that most of my life." I mean, here I am, this girl whose father said, no thanks, no responsibility for me... I think the best thing for me to say right now is, Oh, well! God's got me and love's me. I literally and really do look to God the Father, as my Father. For He cares for me, He hugs me. He feeds me, He Loves me! I and other fatherless children know that this is much better than human fathers.
Back to the story, he came across the idea that lunch would be appropriate, for the child came all the way from Dallas to see him! I do understand that is the choice he made, and that is fine, but it has to do with me, so I had to do my part, too, by meeting someone who I am half of -it helps a bit in understand Self. He veered off by saying, "but I am so busy today... how long will you be around?" (sadness...)
I explained how I was leaving today to go up to Tucson to see Aunt Mary Jo. "Oh, okay, well if you are ever in town again, stop by! Nice to meet you!" Me: "Okay, bye!" So then I walk away, get in my car, and cry. Pray. and feel empty inside, like, "that's it?!?!?" I wanted some answers, at least about my name. What in the world does Tsanti Aisha Cholla mean??
God is the Namer of his children. So, I am fine with not asking the carnal. I stomped right back over there to ask for a definite time to meet. Avoiding such, he offers me his phone number to call him, "I just can't today -but another day would be great!" ...Leaving with a piece of paper in my hand with two numbers on it, I was a little more excited -actually really relieved and joyous!
I went shopping -a bit. I went down a few stores to a vintage antique store and was very conscious of the imported Indian skirts, but I had my eyes on a pearl necklace -quite dainty, and for $2.00, why not? I ended up walking out of there with a cute little necklace and a crystal tear drop to hang in my car. Oh, and a jar of "Sassy Cinnamon Killer Bee Honey." 
My next stop was to be the historic copper mine. I had stopped on the way in to take a glance at the rust orange hole in the ground. Peering way down, I was grossed out. It used to be open for tours, but they had to close it because it is "at risk to collapse"... Instead, I took the Mine Tour down the street.
We took a cart into this mountain -cool, like cold, it was. bbrrr.... about 40 degrees in there. We had to put on some gear: a big jacket, a hat, and a big battery pack with a little light attached to it. I was the youngest one of the group, so I was the one they picked on, literally, to do all the demonstrations with. I held the dynamite, sat on the miners toilet, and answered "right" to a lot the questions as the tour guide would say, "right?" as he looked to me on some of the facts for better crowd interaction... :) It was fun and I walked out of there with a happy time, more information about rocks and mining, and a beautiful purple crystalline for Marcey, a bag of stones for Shannon, and a blue cute little key chain for me. Satisfied, I made my way up to Tucson.Needless to say, I was quenched with the yellow of the air and the orange of the mountains, the sharpness of the cacti, and heat of the desert. I craved it before then. It was calling to me, and I couldn't wait to get out there since I had gotten back from India. Time built, and my heart and thoughts for the adventures that had awaited on this trip. Alone I went, alone I returned, but it was such a renewing time with God, and who I really was and am. Amen.
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