Diet and Exercise

Living Different:
It is a mental thing. Some people call this a lifestyle. But what I have found is that it depends on 1) what you care about and 2) put in priority. I have been on both ends of it: stuffing my face at every chance i got, or throwing a whole plate of food away. The difference? Is this: reasons. mind set. A person who struggles with inhaling food usually thinks that a) they shouldn't or can't waste food (being taught this from childhood) b) that "there are starving children in Africa" c) i have to eat all this now becuase i don't know when i will get it again or when my next meal is (when in reality food is abundant here in the states, and there is no need to gorge -especially for the reasons of starving here in the states.) d) thoughts to get attraction from being able to eat so much. This actually is very common. People are hungier for attention than food in most cases. e) and then there is the all common comfort food. And, again, this has to do with mind-set, and thoughts that a person believes about the food they eat. f) also, people eat BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!!! bordome and ADHD can lead to this. A mind that cannot stay on task will easily wonder, and it will cuase a person to wonder to the kitchen to start in the unhealthy process of feeding thyself with who knows what! (I would at least hope to think that it is something healthy!!!)
This is about my second time to break through scenarios such as these. Freedom feels oh so good, better than stuffing yourself.
In tight jeans and rolls around the waist, it is no fun. Once those are gone, I look back and say, "ugh, how uncormfotable that was!" You can barely breathe to bend over and tie your shoe. It is like being over packed in a tiny suitcase. Our bodies and environment are just not ment to be over-stuffed.

In order to be freed from this, we must change our thinking and actually what we care about. What is most important to us must be at the forefront of our minds, reminding us constantly of how to live and to make decisions, and eventually, we will become so accustomed to this, that is will become our HABBIT and lifestyle, and we will not need to put so much conscious effort on it anymore.

Life-changing decisions to made can be: 1) decide who you are and whose you are 2) how you want people to perceive you (what kind of example are you setting/do you want to set) 3) What are the consequences to the current behavior? 4) Care about greater things other than it. Get your mind onto something else. 6) Eat healthy and balanced. Malnutrition can lead to cravings, and we usually do recognize or choose really what our bodies are craving. Therefor, still leaving the craving there, and our hands in the bag of chips. 7) Drink plenty of water. 8) Make decisions based on need instead of want. 9) Listen to your body. If you are full, stop eating. Honor your body. Help it instead of harm it. It is yours to live in. :)

I hope this helps. These are only conclusions I have made from my personal life.

Other note: Who we hang out with AFFECTS GREATLY what we think and decide, whether we want it to or not. I know we have all experienced great amounts of peer pressure where we find ourselves doing things we would rather not. But becuase of emphasis on relationships, we sacrifice personal goals and decisions. So, becareful who you hang out with. If they are causing you to harm yourself and go against your goals, then maybe it is time to change friends/influences. For example, in high school the closest friends to me were mostly guys. Eating with them made me less aware of my own needs and control. Therefor, I found myself eating much faster, and alot more. This lead to unhealthy habbits for myself. Then, when going to college, I found myself with girls and cheerleaders as my biggest influences. Which lead to me to being very aware of the way I ate, and lead me to change my decisions on food choices and portions. If you can't control your surroundings and the people around you, at least become aware of your personal needs and wants, choose your goals, and most importantly, focus on them!!! It all comes from a root of CARE. :)

these days...

So, here I am, in San Antonio, where the sun is hot, it doesn't rain much, and the food is good :).
Lots of Hispanics here, among many other nationalities. I keep seeing all these Indian restaurants and hookah bars around here, as well as all the Indians! There are many here working in the computer industries around here. It is quite lovely. I even saw an old indian man walking along the sidewalk with his long skirt wrap. I laughed...
It is nice to be here. I have a job right now. A nice one. I am eventually to do publishing and design work on a website of this company. The first day, I am sitting at my desk, and in comes the girl who shares the office space with me, and she is from India, Indian! wow! We got to talking, and haven't really stopped.
So, here i am, with a new friend who happens to be from India! It is great.
She loves it here. and is married, and has a child. She is a dentist. and cooks indian food.....! :)

So, SA is going well.

I am still looking for another job, though. This one is supposed to be temporary. I have looked around, and it seems there are some good ones out there. Maybe I will get one. I have applied to some tv stations and what not.
We will see what comes about!

Today was great!

I got some sun and got stuff done.
I went to the wave pool today. Surf n' Swim or Wet n' Wild. There are so many names for it, either way, it is fun to go to. There weren't that many people there today, the sun was HOT (i'm burnt a bit), and the water was relaxing. I love to get that glow from the sun (and Son!). Something very unexpected happened there today. An old man almost drowned! I was just sitting there enjoying the waves when all of the sudden I heard whistles and lifeguards yelling that we had to get out of the pool. So, we all got out and watched them pull a man out of the water. He was about in his 50's, and he wasn't moving. Face was a bit purple, and everyone was in shock. I stood by and watched as well. I began to hear screams from his wife, and I located where she was and saw her children (/grandchildren?) next her her. The little didn't know what to do. She was like breathing hard, kind of crying, and holding herself as if she needed to go to the bathroom. The mother was gone, freakin out about her husband (i would to), and so I went over to the little girl to let her know that everything was going to be okay. I took her to the bathroom and prayed with her. She started feeling better. I don't think she knew for sure what was going on. By the time we got back to the scene, papa was barely moving and coughing. Thankfully he had come back to life. I don't know where he went for a while -he was gone. I prayed for him. I prayed that Jesus would give him life again.
The ambulence came. The police, too. And the man was rolled off the scene to the hospital. Oh, man, what an experience! During all of this, my mom was on her way to come pick me up. I was far from my phone, and she was calling me to come outside. With no answer from my phone she strolled inside and found all this happening. It relieved her to find that I was okay. Even before all of the happened, when I first got there, Channel 5 news rolls up in their van. "Interesting," I thought. We figured they were there to catch the summer fun. Well, they ended up getting alot more than that. They stayed long enough to report the "Wave Pool incident." Scary it was. I heard tried jumping in and hit his head and went uncounscious. I am not sure what happened after that until I saw him being dragged up to shore.
Well, we left after that and I went home and changed. Then, we went to the book store, again. This time it was to "sell" all my books. All my books from college. I had loaded them up in the car earlier that day, with the help of mom. Three loads it was. They are gone now, traded them for $20. It was probably about 50 books, most being text books for sociology and communications studies for college. Now, I have more money and space. yay!
The back room is looking good. We are cleaning it out and getting rid of EVERYTHING. Including the 20 years worth of journals and school work. Yeah, that needs to go. Minimizing all we have, and simplifying, too. It feels very nice. :)
So, now we are making paella for dinner, and off to San Antonio I go on Wednesday! to stay with gma for about a month. I have no idea what I am going to do after that: none, zip, nada. Of course there are always options, but anything could happen in one month! I may end up getting a job some hwere, with some people, in some place, with some thing. It is kind of exciting, becuase who knows what could come? What have I got to loose??
We will see! and until then, chao!

I know I write alot. I'm not sure why :)

Saturday, late

Where is the Word, that I may have it in my heart? that I may live by it? becuase, right now, i think I am living by the world. I am not sure, and I am not sure at what spirituality I am at. and is the Lord delightful of me? in me? Is he happy about me? and I doing good, His will? or am I indulging in the world, something else? I wish to know what God thinks of me. Always condemned, I may be, or I may live free. I choose to believe God loves me. I choose to believe that, no matter what, I am in His will. I cannot escape it or run from it. So, I can choose to live happily in all that I do, trusting it is the Lords will and that I AM OKAY. If this is the truth, then let it be. amen.

Today:
Today Shannon went to a birthday party. It was fun. I went to drop her off and pick her up with mom. It was in the nice neighborhood that I have always only dreamt of living in. I believe one day, my reality will surpass my small dreams. There, we fed the ducks and enjoyed company. It took me back to a place I have once been, and showed me my reality of where I am and where I am going. I have been going through this alot now lately; gaining reality and being revealed to and choosing my future. I completely truth that Gods will will be done and He will be praised. amen and yay!
Today was also and interesting international culture experience for mom and i. Shannon came to for most of it. We did alot today. I woke up early, around 6am, from jet-lag (and i am super tired, now:) and then mom shan and i went to Baruch Hashem, a messianic jewish synogue introduced to me by an old roommate, katie. mom enjoyed the pressence of the Lord there very much. After that, we roamed the Plano area for some restraunts and came across a good little Indian place to eat, of course:). I showed mom everything I had eaten and experienced in India. Including Goolabjamen (sp?) and all the staples. She enjoyed the lady fingers (okra) and rice dish. yum! Then, she showed me a temple she had eyed close to the house. We drove by, and at first, i guessed it is probably muslim becuase there is a higher chance they would have a temple around. But, come to find out, on the corner of the white-brick building it said, "Sikh Temple -Glory to the One True God" -o, wow! I thought. how interesting that out of all the temples one could have, a sikh one just appears in my neighborhood of Garland, TX. Basically, I feel like India is following me. :) -or, i just have discovered it right where I am at. We ended up going inside and staying for about an hour observing and talking with the people there. We met one lady that was a teacher in Royce City for the special-ed and ESL students. wow. we met her family and some of the leaders there. They were impressed of my experience in India. I got to share with them all about what I did, where I went, and some of the language I learned. After visiting for some time, putting our shoes back on, and returning the head scarfs, we made our way over to Half Price Book Store.
I have been eyeing this book I saw in India. It caught my attention first thing and I have been missing not buying it. It was called: Arab Conquests. Quite interested I was in it; i am sad i didn't buy it. So, to fill that desire, I bought some other ones i could find at the local resell shop. I found some interesting one's and am excited to read them. One of them is about the HUMAN body and world. o yay. i have already skimmed the whole thing. It has great picutres and international information. it is great. i found myself reading on one page about "finding a mate" -hm... how interesting, i thought. :) and so i read along becuase interested i have been lately. for some time now, i have been open to the idea. for, single i am, and well, lets just say, interested. So, it said that there are different stages (of course) to attraction and attachment. I don't know if marriage is quite where i want to go yet. I guess if i didn't have a choice and had to get married, or maybe if it is best for me, then i would -i just couldn't imagine myself married, at least for right now? it seems too blah for me. i now it is God's intention for us, but i still think that maybe i need to development and establishment time, but i wouldn't mind good friends, at least. Transitioning from high school to college was not beneficial for me in the friendship area so much. there were limits at dbu for me, and a personal descision not to get involved so much in the social world there. 1) i had my old boyfriend and "didn't need new/other friends." Forced, i was, to make new and other friends after i didn't see him anymore. That surely surely was a hard time in my life for me. *tear.
Now, on the other side of that, and out of college, i feel like i could go anywhere i wish and take any road in life. It is like i am completely free, empty and pure of anything. I have not one attachment or string on me. From anything. No responsibilities. What should i do?! One thing i do have is OPPORTUNITY. wow o wow. from being a nomad to a professional to a student again, i could choose and become anything. This, i have felt for most of my time here on earth, especially recently in the last few years as i make decisions about my life while in college and such.
One thing I am for sure and certain about is that GOD has and knows the PLAN for my life, oh thankfully, or else i would be a gonner and looser and worthless. I am so very convinced that my Life is in His hands and that I will be okay, thankfully, and yay. So,now, here i am, up late, pondering on life, still tired and being stubborn on not going to sleep. It is like there is too much life to live to go to sleep! No way would i go to sleep! (but as a disciplined person, this i know i should do so that i can get up in the morning and enjoy another day, another sunrise:). But, here i am, searching for the one and daydreaming of the perfect man, searching the internet as if i am going to find him in a pop-up or something. yeah, right. God knows where he is and the timing. So, entertainment and fiddles shall seize, and peace shall come and reality. Life to play by and to be enjoyed. I am happy to be free and alive. yay and amen.)
This "perfect man" i have conjured up looks something like this: First of all, i should say that i think the perfect man for me is some one that is just like me! :) -at least very very similar. a) i live with myself, i like what i do, and what i am about. I would like to find someone just like this as well. :) yes, that would be ideal for me. He looks like this: Greek. Handsomely greek. Yes, i figured this would be best for me. He has blonde curley short hair. He is tall, a headish taller than me. Strong jawline and shoulders. Thick and built. Strong man. and smart, a thinker and analyst. This is great for conversation for me. I imagine him having an international business major and able to speak multiple languages, engaging in conversations with people from all over the globe. This I would quite enjoy.This is all i have so far. I am stuck on figuring out how my silly/randomness fits into all of this. So, i was thinking why i might be feeling this way, when, before, i didn't really have these feelings, especially when i was with someone...but now, i care about attraction and such. Why is this? Is it a selfish deal? something i should not think about? about making myself pretty and drawing attention to myself? this surely is a struggle i have had in the past. and still now but it is not so prevelent anymore. Now, i just enjoy what i want to, not thinking or worrying about consequences so much. sometimes this may be better, it relieves some stresses. So, one of my conclusions was the need/want to take care of someone, and someone to love. and also to be loved. But not everyone wants to be taken care of, so i guess its got to be someone that needs and wants it, someone that could use it. yes. Maybe relationships are such a mess, but when you want to be appreciated, it is like a mess doesn't exist. Maybe this is "blind love." So, does love always blind?

Reflectionsss.1

Let it flow: here i go:
Value:
What makes something of value? I am sitting out here doing a garage sale. i don't know why. it just came over me that we have way too much junk in the house. so, i brought it all outside and pinned a sign to a tree. i could feel like a little 5 year old trying to sell her painted rocks again, all to hear from the neighboor next door, "no one is going to buy these." great- i thought. it burst my bubble and i changed jobs at the age of five. now, here i am trying to sell all this junk. i hate retail, and even here in my home i don'tknow what to do! What is worthy to get rid of? My thinking is this: if someone else would want it, why wouldn't i? if it is of value, then why don't i keep it? like the people in india and mexico, they are resourceful and make value of anything. even trash. the get and resell it for money and stuff. what simple and nomadic mindset is this of?there are like stuffed animals out here and shoes, lots of shoes of all us girls. A little tv and barbies of some sort.
The reason why we get rid of this is becuase it cramps our style, time, and space. These things must be of value. Style, Time, Space. Money? Love? isn't that what the world spins on? things are either of money or love, i have figured, and based according to the scripture in matthew chapter 6 on money and love. so, i was thinking maybe these things are what makes up love and value. because money is valuable and love is valuable, right? and experiences and situations, to be able to create valuable experiences, that is really what we are all after: history. to make histroy, great history, memorable history with our fingerprint and name in it. and money and love and time and space and style are all things that help us do this. the better we have of it, the more of an impact we can have on the world around us. i guess, i think. i don't know, i could be wrong, but it seems to make sense.

So, when you move, you can either take everything, or in my mother and grandmas case, you can get rid of it all and start over, buy new stuff. that would not be possible for some people, right? man, just after seeing the world and the different people in it, it shakes my own and causes me to question my way of life. But let my way be God's way and the Way of Jesus Christ. and how did he live? he didn't even have a house, a home! no family. but he had friends, close close ones. but i'm not the christ, right? i can't go die on a cross, i can't live life exactly like him. where is my metaphor and application? what can i do with my life, the things i have, and what silly decisions do i and my mother make in getting rid of things, and not understanding value? it is the value of love, right? and experience? ahh, it is maddening when your world is rocked and you don't know from right and wrong. this seems to happen to me like all the time. What is right? what is wrong? what is "good?" What is "bad?" These things i don't know and have lost touch of, definitions have changed and i don't seem to know the colors and separations of life anymore. wow. change your lens perscription and you can't really see the same anymore. But, one thing i do know is thtat love is good, and people are in my life, and that i must treat these people with love. and what is best for everyone. this must be of value. yay.

bubble:
i was at the airport and noticed this: Everywhere i look, eternity narrows to a point. all around, forward, and backward. if i stand in one place, and turn in circles, each direction and angle i look, everything goes into a point. That must mean, that i am in the center of my world. everything i know is circuling around me, coming in and out of my world. through one point or another, wherever i am looking. It is like one of those lenses: where no matter where you move it, everything gets bigger in the center. That is me, that is my world. That is where i am at, everything that enters my world gets bigger at my center. the people around me, even the air i breate, becomes more to me the closer it gets to me. That means I have a circle, a bubble around me. and there comes a point where some things are not in my range, i think (maybe not, though). But when something is in my bubble, that means it is apart of my world. affecting me, and me it (?). at least that means it has great potential to. this is all about PROXIMITY, i figure.oh, and everyone has a bubble, has one of these, and when they collide, they intersect. it is like a big o map of bubbles and stuff. like cells, making up organs, making systems and bodies. we are just like that, too. making countries and nations. Lord, help us to be healthy cells. and deliver us from cancer. amen.

The simple things of life:
sweeping and brooms, laundry and cooking: all low. in india these things are so different, and we don't think of squatting while sweeping with a broom with no stick waddling like a duck, sweeping the dirt outside. We stand, nice and tall with good form using a long enough stick. We don't think of squatting to peel potatoes, or place them in a basket in the corner of the kitchen on the floor, right next to the onions. and then sit there and peel them. We don't think of using animal poop for fuel for our fire to cook in our clay oven outside. We don't think of beating our clothes against a rock to loosen the dirt out of them, and then wash them with the same water we bathed in. We don't think of keeping the water that flows by the faucet and down into the drain. We don't think it is useful anymore. We don't think of keeping it in a little bucket to wash our dishes in. and then to water the plants. Oh, the circles of life that we don't understand, see, use, or make. Villlagers, and people that do without our things know these things. They live outside with the flies and mosquitos, they are thankful for the geckos and frogs that eat the mosquitos by night. What do we know? What are we thankful for? What is life all about? and what don't we think of? What are we bored with and mundaned by? My theory: Ameicans are becoming robots. amen. (by the way, i am not saying this is a bad thing by any means, it is just and observation, who knows that new era that we are coming into, with the whites (the whole rest of the world would die to be white.) the first to invite and bring it. mechanical we are, and will become, operating on systems and what not. This i believe and expect to see it happen. is it not already? i think so. with this, we loose an understanding of the old and natural world. we enter into a new one. the old has gone, and the new is come.)This also leads me to the thought that each persons world is different. You know, some villagers don't know that computers exist and all the things that come with it. How amazed they would be to find out about it and the endless knowledgeable internet. And us? What don't i/we know exists, maybe in another world, another circle people live completely differently with different things, and how amazed would i be to find these things? I am sure that the government officials live in these sort of new technologies and such: things i would never have dreamt of, but there they are, in full use and function, kind of like things you see in the movies. you see only in the movies. you see other worlds and circles only in the movies until you actually travel there and your bubble becomes part of another world. until you fly across the sky and land in a whole new world. and then the center of your bubble is rocked...

Home!

Home sweet home, and I can't believe it. wow.

The flight: interesting.

Sitting next to two Sikhs, one a nun, and the other monk-ish. I don't know if that is what they called super baptised Sikhs, but they were equiv. I got to share the gospel with them. The lady nun was from cali and had grown up catholic and said she still loved Jesus. So, I shared with her the differences and maybe a different view of Him than Catholism.

The flight started off at 11pm at night. I stayed up all night and finally fell asleep just after the sun rose. Then it fell so quickly. We went through some time zones and saw daylight for about long enough to see the sun rise then set. The rest of the time it was pitch black outside. I introduced myself to them, they were super nice and talkative. Religion is very easy to share with people that are religious. No matter what religion. but then sometimes they kill each other, as we are seeing in India and all over the world for all of time. We didn't end up killing eachother, thankfully, but instead, offered what we knew and our views. It was quite nice. She offered me to meditate with her right before the sun rose by reading an ancient language out of this little book that they treat with great reverence. Sometines they even fan it when it is too hot outside. They consider it their 11th guru, the living word. There are many similarities-ish in the religions. We shared some of these, and also discussed differences and life-questions.

Poor lady, i thought. She has been doing this for like 30 years. They don't cut their hair, and she had some growing out of her chin. She was not a lovely sight to see. nor was she that nice. -these are just my thoughts, but, "who am i to judge?" no one. God is the Judger.

So, she meditated, then i fell asleep. by the end of the trip we discussed about Jesus and Truth. I do my job, what i can, and let the Holy Spirit finish. I am thankful to participate. I prayed, while I was sitting in my seat before anyone was next to me that there would be a divine intervention and meeting there on that plane, and then these two people all in white come up next to me to find their seats. He works, He is alive, and active, oh so close in my life. yum and yay.

So many experiences such as these. Each and every day, meeting people of monks and nuns, "deep" into religion and a certain Way. I get to share with them the Ultimate Way. I love this because it is truth.

I have not shared many details lately, but be sure that life has well been lived in India. and Fruit to be grown and harvested. Pray! Continue to Pray! for the harvesters to GO OUT INTO THE FIELD! Guys, it is time. Time is soon! Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us live, work, and be glad in it. Pray! Pray! Pray!

I plan on writing reflections as they come to me, hopefully.