learning my worth...

Time to go, time to see, time to be and be all of me.
To take the jump, take the leap, into the world of responsibility.
Face me fears, face me foes, face my joys and woe's.
Here I am, still here, ready to be, become me. I want to fly, that i really what i want to do, fly fly away to the moon. to heaven, to the clouds, to praise the Lord. I shall praise Him forever more.
And but still, I am faced with me, faced with my reality and what I want it to be. I barter, I ask, we beg the Lord to give us what we want, then some more. So, now is the time to be true and face myself, allow myself to be new. Not less than my worth, nor more, but I ask the Lord to give me only my score.

Proverbs 30:7-9
Two things I ask of You;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny You
and say, "Who is the Lord?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.

Psalm 55:5-8, 12-14
Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me.
And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness;
I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest."
For it is not an enemy who taunts me-- then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me-- then I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend, [me].
We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.

Are we to ignore ourselves? and that life be all about Others? I do not have thoughts of suicide at all, but they happen because people only think about themselves, and see only the negative and hopeless of life in our own hands. So, I learn, and assume, there must must must be a balance between me and you, between self and partner, me and consideration for others.
I have not wanted to know me, to leave space for the others I left out. Oh, savior within me, must save me too?!?! Yeah, I guess I can't forget about me either, for the greatest commandment in the Word of God is to first love Him, then love others as we love ourselves -so that means we must love ourselves, too! wow!! :)

wow, sometimes I am afraid to learn, because sometimes what I learn is wrong!!! so is it better to live on what is first in our hearts and feelings, or new learnings and trusting they are right?!? yeah... :) no matter what, "today is still a good day."

and i have to find another job...

is this normal to go through multiple places and jobs?? Guess so, that is why so many people transfer colleges and such. and now is my time to try and error! Resumes, interviews... fun?!?!

It's been a long journey, and i'm tired

So, a few weeks later, and much has happened. I drove to Az and back in 5 days, shockingly -for everyone including me, but I walk in the Spirit, Let His will be done, not mine nor anyone else's. I Stopped in Bisbee and met my biological father for the first time -so that is what my mom says, he doesn't claim to be -either way, I am still Me. It was good to have a physical encounter with someone else who is a lot like me. I stayed in Bisbee for two days. The first was so stressful for me. That night I stayed in a historical hotel that claims to be haunted and proud of it. The town has a mine there, so I took a tour and picked up a few shiny things for me sisters. :) Then, up to Tuscon i went and surprised aunt Mary jo -she didn't really expect me coming. I arrived before I could get a hold of her (she was out of the house and no cell phone...) So, stayed there two nights and then decided I can go back to Dallas and drove back the next day straight through 14 hours -wow! A whirlwind I felt like I have been in! And now I am home at my mom's casa with my two sisters, thankfully. I finally feel safe, secure, and satisfied. Wow. Don't let up till you reach your goal, and for now, I feel I have.
I am working in a wellness center, too. Right up my ally and perfect not only for me, but the people I work with, and everyone else around me. I really do love it. It is so close to my house, 2 minutes! It is/will be challenging for me not just in career wise, but in otherways, too!! I am and will enjoy it much much. We work with oxygen saunas, body wraps, foot baths -alternative health, basically! nutrition, and I get to tell people what is good for them, how to take care of the BBBody that GGGod gave us!!!
I really am tired, and have been going to bed rather early -or at least wanting to. It is all so different from college -WAY different. Transitions... and I am so thankful for the grace and mercy that has been given to me, because from graduation to India to SA to AZ to home Again, I am worn out, finally, and would like to settle down -"for a few years" I say. And that is true, I really still do want to travel and work internationally- but we'll see, this is only November 2008. I will change a lot by then. :) And glad to do it here at home with my mom and my two sisters. Such benefits of staying with family. :)
So, change for American, change for me, change for everyone and everything! Let God's will be done! Amen and goodnight. (hopefully I can get enough rest in the next year to recover from this WHIIIIRLWIIIINDDD I have been in!!!)